| Date: 09 June 2011, 04:55
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Brothers: Advice and Wisdom You Never Got From
Your Father, Teachers, Mentors, Coaches, or Even Your Best Friends
It wasn't that long ago when I encountered another guy named Paul ("Paul Janka"). He was a bit eccentric, but unwittingly funny because of a natural tendency to say whatever was on the top of his mind, uncensored, unweighed or measured, but - it seemed to me - from the heart. He doesn't have any qualifications to teach or guide men in their behavior, love relationships or personal growth, except for his incredibly brutal honesty - and that goes a long way in my book. He was around my same age, was a Harvard graduate, had travelled widely and lived a lot of life. In a world of image, and reputation, I didn't care about his qualifications - he was one of the few guys I had met that are truly free to speak their mind no matter who's listening.
In short, we became fast friends, and some of the candid topics of our conversations got me thinking about what else men are missing in their lives these days. Certainly, guys' fathers have been less involved in their lives for about a generation, and the mainstream media hasn't done much at all to further the progress of men's specific personal growth and romantic challenges. Most "advice" in the mainstream is gender neutral, or heavily favoring women's empowerment...
...which is of course a good thing. But with nothing for men and only men, it does a disservice to half of the human species.
Why We Can't Do Without Brothers
The longer I got to know this Paul guy, the more questions he would ask me about his own life. He'd then take bits and parts of it and tell other guys he knew. In return, sometimes he'd invite me to his city and give me a chance to see the wild life he was accustomed to.
I thought a great deal about what had been missing in my own life in younger years and one thing was always for sure:
I'm the oldest of a family of brothers, and even though my own father wasn't around a lot, many of the questions and challenges I had growing up wouldn't have been of the type I'd go to a father with anyway.
I think I'd always wished I'd had an older brother of my own.
That would have been someone to go to for quick, honest advice, but a guy who would basically be of my same generation. He'd really get me in the the way I'd always understood my own younger brothers and tried to help them along.
At the same time, an older brother wouldn't be needy, or the type who would be more in a position of needing help or advice from me as opposed to coming from a place of being more of a giver. A guy who had been through it all a few years before me, paved the way, and gotten some solid answers already to pass on to me.
Alas, I never had an older brother. Instead, I had to always be the one to dive in first, get beat up, learn some valuable lessons, and help others (like my own brothers) who would follow after me. It's the next best thing though for me - to make sure that any guys I can find who really need what I wish I'd had could benefit. Even one more person who's in the shoes I used to occupy would make what I went through feel better.
The "other Paul" would soon be getting some advice from me, even as he drew me out of that kind of protective shell that keeps some of us not fully speaking our most candid opinions.
It was that very week that I got together with my new friend, and told him I'd like to bounce some ideas off of him - the raw, uncensored guy who's trying to make his own way in the world, and myself, the psychiatrist with the systems, methods, processes and technology for men that I've been getting out to the world - it would be a one-time teaming up as Brothers of a sort, tackling all the tough questions that men would never feel comfortable going to a woman (like their mother) for advice on, or even a mentor, coach, spiritual advisor, everyday friend, or even their own fathers.
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